Whining, Part Deux

So, here I am – me, hulu.com and Gordon Ramsay (Boy, if I ever need a reason to not eat out again, this show sure does it!)  Boo and Daisy are chasing each other over the chair and stairs, and I’m wide awake.  Good gracious.  Didn’t sleep much today after my 4am go to bed time – didn’t do a whole heck of a lot either – so I’m not running out of energy – I’m thinking this may be part of why I’m awake.   I don’t want to keep Charles up, so after he drifted off to sleep, I decided to come out here and surf.

Maybe plan a trip, or look up something I didn’t know – something.

Today was another rough day emotionally.  I cried at the drop of a hat, and felt really really lonely.  And then once I was feeling lonely and upset, I berated myself and felt pretty stupid for feeling that way.   The whole thing, it just bites.

They don’t call this hell week for nothing.  And trust me, the first person who tells me I’m taking the ‘easy way out’ will get fwappitized.

Mom is coming next week to spend a few days with me.  She’s been at my brother’s house down in Sanford, so since my Brother’s coming home from a short term deployment next week, she wants to give them space for a few days.   And since I’ve had surgery – she thought that it would be good for both of us to hang out with me for a while.   So, I’ve got some projects lined up to do with her while she’s here – wrapping Christmas gifts, baking cookies for Charles, doing a little bit of shopping.  Something that the two of us should be able to do in our conditions.  (Eep, we’re so old!)

Anyway -  I’ve decided to ‘ease into’ the full liquid diet over the weekend.  I’m going to go to the grocery store tomorrow and pick up a few things.   I’ve got a recipe for an egg custard that I want to make, and even some ideas on how to ‘tweak’ it some to change it up.   I figure if I make it through the week, and slowly ease into the next phase, it will go easier than jumping into it pouch first.

So, the plan is – tomorrow, to go to the Vitamin Shoppe to get some muscle milk protein pudding (or mix, if they have it).   I’ll make some of that up this weekend, and have it ready for Sunday or Monday.  I’m going to try a soup of black beans, salsa, chicken broth, and cheese that I’ll toss in the blender and then heat.    I am also going to pick up some other things for the week 2 menu.   I really hate being so dang ‘food focused’ – especially when I’m not even remotely hungry.  But I know that it’s what I need to do to keep me healing and getting healthy.   I think making and keeping a plan is going to help me from sinking any lower.   I’m also going to call the surgeon on Monday to see if there’s a reason why I’m not sleeping.   And since I’ve promised myself that I’m going to be blogging every day throughout this experience, I’m also going to find at least 5 positive things from each day.  That will help me keep perspective…

So, for today:

1.  Phone calls from my friends Julie and Esther, reminding me that they’re thinking of me.

2.  I shaved my legs today – and it didn’t hurt!

3.   I took my blood pressure and it was 103.  (That is the lowest I have seen it in forever)

4.  I could actually concentrate a little bit more today than I’ve been able to.

5.  I got a much needed email from my father in law – that reminded me that even if I feel alone, I’m definitely not.